The Reality of Life, or I Take On More Than I Can Handle

I have been spending a great deal of time immersing myself in a world that I've ignored far too long.  I'm talking about the fast-moving world of online business and publishing.  Back in the dark ages of the internet, I was fairly savvy.  Then I put my attention on raising a grandchild, which of course was and is way more important than keeping up with the internet world and its evolution.  Now that my granddaughter is in middle school and a bit more independent, I'm ready to take another dip in the pool, so to speak.  

Holy smokes.  

I am, to say the least, overwhelmed.  I've spent quite a bit of time over the past two weeks learning about blogging, reading lots of other people's blogs, admiring all the gadgets, backgrounds, awards, and followers they have.  I've also been creating and stocking a shop on Etsy.com with my fiber art and dolls, and trying to learn about all the tools they have to promote a shop, all the ways to connect with other sellers, what questions to ask, etc.  It's fair to say that I feel like the proverbial babe in the woods...in a distinctly middle-aged way.   

It occurs to me that I need to clearly define what it is I want to accomplish here.  In the spirit of using what I have, I want to use my talents with fiber and textiles to contribute more to my family's income.  This is especially true now that the economy has changed so radically for the worse.  Things are tight.  For a number of years, my DH has been a freelance writer, and his income has suffered in recent months; we've had some scary moments, although his markets do seem to be recovering very slowly.  This change in our cash flow has made me feel that I was resting on my laurels by not selling my work.  I have felt a certain urgency to help.  

At the same time, I no longer work outside the home because I'm unable to do so.  I do have disability income, so I am already contributing, but I feel a sense of responsibility to do more.  Trying to balance that against some very real physical limitations on my time and energy is difficult - I used to be a lot more active than I can be now, and it's hard not to throw myself into projects the same way I used to - in my mind I'm still the same woman I was then.  All too often, I set goals for myself so high that they are impossible to reach in the time and energy I have available.  I did that even before I got sick, although less often.  But all that happens when I overextend myself is that I wind up frustrated - with myself for not being able to achieve what I want when I want, leading to anger, guilt, and an inordinate amount of self-castigation.  So...

My mantra for today is going to be "use what you have" as it applies to my physical and emotional limits.  Driving myself nuts will not lead to success, by any definition.

Nightowl, over and out.